It's a long game
A dear friend reminded me yesterday of what we had both achieved over the last two years. She had broken the time down into six-month chunks. It's a task I know well, but I'll be honest, I haven't done it in a while. It was fascinating to see what we had done and the threads that ran through the experiences, the people we had met and worked with, the coincidences!
I was reminded of how powerful the words 'it's a long game' are. The fear that lives within us tells us life is short, go go go, keep spinning those plates. Push. But pushing doesn't feel good. It's hard work. Life is not meant to be hard work.
I have come to realise that I have become a specialist in coaching women, and men, who are very hard on themselves.
Ambitious, yes. Successful, yes. And incredibly hard on themselves. They put enormous pressure on themselves to provide for others, to look after and please their teams, and to be present at home. This hardness, often over-spills into their relationships, as they expect a lot from others as they do themselves.
'Why don't they do what I say?' 'Why does it take so long?' 'Why doesn't he help more?'
Sound familiar?
'I'm just tired' one client said this week, 'what am I doing wrong? Why does it feel so hard?' She isn't doing anything wrong. Neither are you.
You are not lazy. You are incredibly talented and loving. Imagine what would it be like to give yourself a bit of slack. To stop and appreciate yourself, as I know you do for others. The key is in the word, stop. Or try pause if stop feels difficult.
When you are in a senior role, running your own business, pausing can feel very difficult. You are lazy, selfish. This is something you can do when it's quieter. And yet, if you're honest with yourself when it's quieter you fill it with something else for the team - training, organising a team day, sorting out budgets. How would it look if you slowed down? Everything would crumble in the office, wouldn't it?
Would it?
In the pause, you get to reflect, to see yourself differently, to appreciate your talents, to understand your impact, to have a glimpse at what the vision was. We all do it, and the good news is we are capable of mastering new tools and behaviours which stop it feeling so hard. Stop us being so hard on ourselves. Help us to start to see our magic.
Being hard on yourselves takes its toll. Think about it like a muscle, a muscle you have trained very well to act and do certain things. Things like working late into the evening, like putting others ahead of yourself, like blocking out time in your diary for you and then squeeze work in instead. Maybe it's being snappy with your Commercial Director when they get negative about a new idea, getting pissed off with everyone including your kids when nobody bothers to thank you for all your hard work, and and and. And pause...
What would it be like to train the muscle in appreciation, focused action rather than procrastination, self-empathy, more fun, a direct conversation rather than bottling things up? Training this muscle means you can thrive even in challenging times.
There is nothing lazy about you. You care for your team, you love providing for others, and you are not a machine. We are not machines.
Life is as long and fulfilling as you want it to be, and it always starts with understanding how you show up in your own story.
Book in for a free coaching call to explore how to create something different.