I Received a Gift this Week

A former client emailed me this week to let me know how she's been getting on. It was unexpected as we haven't worked together for over a year, and it was a reminder of how powerful seemingly small phrases can be.

She was an inspiration to coach. Hungry to learn about herself, understand where she was getting in her own way in her career and relationships, and cut off some of the 'dead wood.' She acknowledged that she needed to be her greatest champion in life, something she hadn't done enough of. Most of us aren't taught to recognise our greatness and to use it as fuel to take the next step.

It was lovely to read what she had written:

"Work, living and relationship have all changed, all areas that needed a shake-up.  I finally bit the bullet and left my old employer. I chose someone I wanted to work for, who respects me and what I bring to the table. It's going well. They ask how you are (and mean it), say please and thank you, they listen, which still shocks me even now.  I recently started a new relationship, swallowed my pride and tried Tinder!  He is very nice and again treats me with nothing but respect. Maybe it's my turn for some good luck, and my boundaries are well and truly in place.

I want to make sure Covid has had a positive effect on my life, and this feels like the right way to come out of it.  I still love your phrase, 'think of this as a gift'.  I carry that with me every day and use it! "

The email exuded happiness. It was a joy to read. But, what struck me the most was a phrase I had used in our sessions that still resonated with her a year down the line.

What's the gift here?

It's a question I often use with my clients and, importantly, with myself. I believe it forces us deeper than looking for a silver lining. It's an intention to open up to the possibility that there could be a gift, or multiple gifts in a difficult situation, a failed project, a hurtful relationship, illness.

Instead of the normal 'at least it's not…' response to a bad situation, searching for the gift forces you to pause and truly reflect. With every boulder that's flung in your way, you become a little stronger. With every cross word spoken, you learn how to diffuse potential conflict. Or, to put it bluntly, when one boss turns out to be awful, you are gifted the opportunity to select a new one. One that actually inspires and leads with passion.

Of course, it's not always that simple. I am not asking people to always find the gift at that moment. We must acknowledge that some gifts are harder to find, particularly in times of stress. But my clients are willing to be curious. They believe that a gift will emerge, and they will use it to learn something new about themselves, to grow from it.

The power of change

With one quick email, my former client reminded me this week how powerful change can be. It takes time, courage and space to acknowledge what you need. The power of coaching, which I know as a client too, having had wonderful coaches and mentors over the years, is so much change happens outside the conversations. Sometimes months or even years later, a thought, an idea, a nugget of wisdom from one of those conversations will drop back into my head just when I need it. And if I'm not listening, sure enough, it will come round and slap me on the face like a wet fish eventually!

So, what are some of the gifts you could discover in your work and life today? Are you open to the idea that they are there, even in the most challenging situations? This question is a tool, a tool which some days we need to reach for.  Looking for the gift might help you find things you didn't realise you were looking for.

If you try this, get in touch and tell me. I'd love to hear about the gifts you have found in unexpected places.

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