How to not fall short when coaching others
‘Everyone of us can choose what we wear. Love, respect, kindness…’
The touching words from the Minister at our friend Claire’s wedding last week.
Words that translate into every relationship. Be it with colleagues, friends or clients. Imagine the wardrobe we all have access to, she said, and the choices we can make.
It made me reflect on when we coach and mentor others. We are always at choice about our approach. Choice requires us to take responsibility, and when we don’t we let ourselves and others down. We fall short.
So, what choices can you make before and during a coaching conversation with a colleague. You can:
Choose to prepare
Choose to reflect on their strengths
Choose to adapt your conversation style
Choose to co-create accountability
Let me share how I talk about these in my Coaching Academy workshops:
Choose to prepare
Before you enter the room you are responsible for clearing your assumptions and any pre-existing beliefs you have about your colleague (they don’t care/they can’t change, etc). These act like an invisible barrier, preventing you from truly listening and reaching a positive or different outcome.
Choose to reflect on their strengths
Connect with what you know about them by writing down 5 of their strengths before you enter the room. Connect with what you value in them and what you know to be true. Positivity will not just happen. You must consciously search for it, and help it to become an integral part of your working relationships.
Choose to adapt your conversation style
Adapt in the moment. Perhaps you have started the conversation as the ‘talker’ and realise you need to pause to create space for the other person to respond and brainstorm. Remember you can choose how you want to be in the conversation, and the same approach doesn’t work for everyone. So choose to be flexible.
Choose to co-create accountability
Accountability structures are a choice. What do I mean by this? Well we can choose to ‘hope’ that actions will be taken after the meeting or we can choose to ask questions like ‘How will I know when you have completed it?’ ; ‘How likely will this happen by Friday, on a scale of 1 to 10?’ or ‘What do you need from me?’.
I encourage you to read the New York Times Bestseller Five Dysfunctions of a Team, by Patrick Lencioni. Highly functioning teams and relationships have accountability built into them through structure.
Relationships are what bind us together, they need effort, intention and energy. They can be frustrating and very rewarding. I think the Minister was reminding all of us, whatever our beliefs, that when we choose well our relationships thrive.
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Thank you for reading ‘what would Sally say’.